Author's Declarations
The new and improved Litigation Avoidance Policy implemented by the publishing industry ("You couldn't make widgets if we didn't sell you the words for them!") has mandated that the following form be prominently displayed at the beginning of every book, pamphlet, or article, denoting the author's intentions, and bearing a facsimile of his/her/their legal signature(s), which may be as incomprehensible as his/her/their patent afflatus:
  • I did it to express myself, so I really don't care if you agree with my opinions!
  • I did it to record my analytical conclusions, so don't expect them to be fair or objective!
  • I did it to express my convoluted beliefs, so don't be surprised that my core values don't make any sense!
  • I did it for the prestige, so my arrogant opinion would count more than your insignificant views!
  • I did it to communicate with kindred spirits, so as to vastly increase my patronage and enlarge my sustenance!
  • I did it out of boredom, so don't blame me if you're bored as well!
  • I was commissioned to do it, so don't expect me to believe it either!
  • I did it for the money, so I don't care if it's silly, sickening, or stupid!
  • I did it by stealing the idea(s), plot(s), theme(s), scene(s), character(s), style(s), expression(s), font(s), paper, electricity, envelopes, stamps, or sweat from innumerable and unacknowledged significant others, but you can't prove it!
[pro forma imprimatur of author / co-authors / collaborators / codependents] [date]